I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
