I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
