we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
