So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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