the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
