You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
