someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Someone shattered a urinal.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
