Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
