So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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