well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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