If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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