If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
