I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
