i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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