Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
