True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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