I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
