apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
