I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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