I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
