sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
