I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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