I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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