umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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