My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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