Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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