Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
