he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why is there bacon in the couch?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
