And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
