Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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