We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
