He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
