the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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