the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
