i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
