oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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