The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
