do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
