i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
