mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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