My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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