I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
