True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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