i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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