After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
