I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
