Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
