i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
soo... how was my night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
