Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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