If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're a waste of cheezeits
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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