bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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