i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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