you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
