Can i not drive my cunt home
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
