having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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